Happy 2014 (a few weeks late).  I know I said that this blog would be funny, and it typically is.  However – I also said it would be real, raw and candid – and in this case, my blog entry certainly fits!

Over the better part of my adult dating life, I have accepted far less that I would EVER allow my friends to accept in a relationship.  Yet, I have not given myself the credit that I deserve as a woman with value, brains, personality and worth.  I have allowed myself to be walked all over, and sadly – felt that “that is the best I can do”, or “nothing is wrong, because he treats me well sometimes”. Now – don’t get me wrong, I have never been physically abused in a relationship – just emotionally taken advantage of.  Yet, that is not the fault of the guys I have dated – it is mine.  The responsibility falls squarely on my shoulders for allowing it.  I have spent the last 25 years allowing what I would coin as “bad behavior”, and up until now – I have been too blind to see it.

Several years ago – I took a class about living intentionally.  It absolutely changed my life.  What I learned about myself and others was so powerful. I have applied much of what I learned in so many aspects of my life (work, friendships, family, finances).  Yet – I find that I have fallen back into what is known as a default behavior in how I date.  I don’t know why when it comes to dating – I have absolutely no confidence in me, or my value.

I have heard it from so many friends before, but haven’t really taken it to heart. They have said the words, but in trying not to hurt me, they have walked delicately down that road.  I have now  met someone in Baltimore that loves me enough to finally call me out on my shit!  ALL OF IT‼  She spells it out in black and white – and despite many efforts from my friends in the past, now it is finally starting to sink in…….I deserve far more than the bull-shit I have allowed over the years.  I am worth more than being someone to pass the time with, or someone to simply hang out with until something better comes along.  Hell no‼

All of this being said, I have come up with a list of things I am “done with” regarding my dating life.  These are things – some funny, some sad – yet all real that I have allowed to happen in the past.  No more!  Here we go, in no particular order:

• If you can’t be seen with me at local events due to your ex-girlfriend attending  – I am not interested in dating you.
• If you would rather me stay at home to clean, cook and look pretty rather than be a strong powerful women in our community and in my profession – I am not interested in dating you.
• If you would rather defend your ex-wife/ex-girlfriend to your friends and family rather than support me as your current girlfriend – I am not interested in dating you.
• To that point, if you can’t call me your girlfriend after we have entered into an exclusive, physical relationship – I am not interested in dating you.
• If you can’t stay at my place at least half as often as I stay at yours, because it is too loud, too small, or you are simply just a selfish prick – I am not interested in dating you.
• If you can’t commit to our next date within 48 hours of it actually happening – I am not interested in dating you.
• If you are too bitter about your ex, to see that there is an amazing woman standing right in front of you – I am not interested in dating you.
• If you can’t drive an extra block to pick me up, rather you ask me to walk to the Whole Foods for you to get me – I am not interested in dating you.
• If you can’t pick up the phone and have a conversation with me, as opposed to having a “text relationship” – I am not interested in dating you.
• If you can’t introduce me to your friends, family and children after a significant and realistic amount of time – I am not interested in dating you.
• If you will not “allow” me to post a picture of us on Facebook because it might indicate we are together – I am not interested in dating you.
• If you are not interested in meeting my family or friends (after several months) because it may mean we are “getting too serious” –I am not interested in dating you.
• If you can only talk down to me, rather than have a conversation WITH me – I am not interested in dating you.
• If you are embarrassed by the fact I am from West Virginia and you feel I may not be sophisticated enough for you or your family  – I am not interested in dating you.

So – there you have it.  There are more – but I tried to not bore you with all of my sorted dating shenanigans!  I have allowed myself to put up with a lot of shit over the last 25 years, and the buck stops here.  As I said – my fault because I was too insecure to see the writing on the wall.  There is a book and a movie that spells it out very clearly…..”He is just NOT that into you.”  Why I have not valued myself enough to see that – and turn the tables –  I will never know.  Yet, I do know that in 2014, I am taking the bull by the horns, and making some changes.

This certainly doesn’t mean that I won’t go on my share of bad dates – because I am sure I will.  I also know that I still have volumes of funny and  comical content for future blogs – so never fear 🙂  I have just learned to trust myself, and love myself enough to know my worth in a relationship.  I am hoping that when the time is right – there will be wonderful man that sees that too!  Until then – I surround myself with amazing friends and family – and continue to always be,

Cynically, Optimistic………..