Hello Frogblog subscribers!  Sorry for the delay in posting.  As I promised, this blog is intended to be whimsical and lighthearted, and since I have been in a little bit of a negative head space regarding dating and relationships recently – I felt it best to wait until I could yet again find the humor in my adventures.  Well – I am back, so let the composing begin!!

As many of you know, and have read – I have had some seriously crazy first date stories.  Quite frankly, I think I have a higher percentage than the norm.  I always wanted to be in a high percentile of something – just preferably, not failed first dates.  However – I guess I will take what I can get!

When I moved to Baltimore, I decided to sign up for Match.com.  I had been on for a brief period of time while living in Charlotte, but I had little success.  However – I am NOT a quitter, so I figured, what the heck?  As expected, I received the barrage of crazy e-mails and winks from 20 something’s, 70 something’s and just plain all out freaks.  Yet – I was surprised that Baltimore had a much greater amount of what appeared to be normal, professionally successful men.  I received an e-mail from a man whose user name was “Rockwell” something or another.  From his pics, he had an attractive face, but his head was covered in every pic, so I couldn’t tell if he had hair.  He didn’t smoke, was college educated, and seemed to be a well -rounded member of society.  THEN – I saw the marital status.  I DO realize that in Maryland you have to be legally separated for one calendar year prior to filing for divorce – but the concept of dating a “technically”married man freaked me out a bit.  I didn’t want to be rebound girl, or the one that got to hear all about their shitty divorce proceedings, or the one that wasn’t quite good enough, because I happened to be “next”.  I had already established a “no currently separated” rule, and ignored his e-mail.

Shortly after signing on, I met someone, and entered into a five-month relationship that I thought could possibly go somewhere.  Unfortunately – it didn’t.  I took a few months to lick my wounds, and prepare myself for re-entering the dating world, and signed back on again.  This time – the same sundry of men were on the site.  Some old, some new – yet, all with similar personas.  And then, I received another e-mail from “Rockwell”.  His status was still currently separated, thus no response from me.  Again – shortly thereafter – I met someone and started dating him for about four months.  Funny thing – he was also currently separated, but the divorce was eminent within weeks (so I thought) – and I gave it a shot, because quite frankly – he was an attractive man that I was terribly intrigued by.  Well – that relationship ended, and I was left deciding if I wanted to go back on Match……. again.

Thanks (or maybe not) to a very good friend of mine; in an evening with too much wine involved – and a saved password on her iPad – she had signed me back up for Match without me knowing what had happened.  This time, I met someone, and dated him for a couple of months – but that relationship turned south fast a furiously (possibly a future blog post – not sure).  Regardless, my membership didn’t expire during this time, so I logged back on to see what I had missed during those few months.  JESUS – I missed a lot.  In the list of e-mails from a various cast of characters – an e-mail from “Rockwell” awaited me.  I was sitting with the same friend who signed me back up, and we were enjoying a cup of coffee after a trail run.  “Rockwell” was still “currently separated”, but now it had been a year and a half since he first e-mailed me, so there had to be a story!  She encouraged me to reach out to at least enquire about the separation and the timeline for divorce.  Fair enough!  The answer he provided made sense, and I took a leap of faith, and said I would meet him.

Our date was set, and I walked to the restaurant where we were meeting.  I arrived first, and took my place at the bar.  When “Rockwell” arrived  (his name is John)– I saw what I sadly expected.  He was shorter than he said he was, and not a stitch of hair was on his shiny bald head.  Again, not unattractive – but not my type at all.  We sat in the lounge, and ordered a drink.  Now mind you – I knew that there wasn’t going to be physical chemistry – but thought he would be a nice person to know around town.  Son – of – a – bitch, I had no idea what I was in for.

John started to tell me about his kids, and work and the usual first date chatter.  He asked me questions, and I asked him some as well.  Then the zinger hit!!  I asked him why he and his wife were divorcing.  The answer I received caused me to fall to the floor – almost literally!  He told me that he and his ex had both cheated.  Although I don’t approved of, nor do I agree with infidelity, I knew I wasn’t going to have interest in dating him, so I kept listening.  THEN – he told me what I couldn’t have begun to make up.  They had brought a third party into their marriage, and they both started having individual relationships with said third woman!  HOLY FREAKIN’ SHIT!  I was NOT prepared for that.  I have heard a LOT of things in my life – but never anyone who had a three-some!  Well, suffice it to say – there really wasn’t much for me to add to the conversation, and I was ready to leave.

We walked out, and I started to go my direction, and he went his.  I was hoping I would never hear from him again, but no such luck!  I received several texts and calls from him asking to get together again, and talking to me about some crazy things regarding religion – WTF??  I sent him a text, kindly saying that although I though he was a nice(ish) guy – I wasn’t interested in taking it to the next level.  Excerpts from some of the texts are below. (1. Because they are humorous and 2. It tells some of the jacked-up story without having to type pages of potentially boring dialogue.) Happy reading his crazy-ass messages 🙂 Suffice it to say – I can put up with a LOT in a relationship, and I am willing to look over a lot of red flags in a first date – but this one took the cake!!  They always say that the third time is a charm – but being the third person in a relationship – is really NOT all that charming!!

Well – here I am, single with no real options on the horizon.  However – this mildly claustrophobic girl is not willing to be in an overly crowded relationship!  Back to the drawing board, and onwards and upwards……….. to a traditional TWO person dating situation!

Cynically Optimistic…………………….